"The place where love grows"

Finally some good news came yesterday for my brother, although frustrating in some aspects , very good news. He has heart problems and was in the hospital over the summer with 10% heart function.  Six months later he had his heart tested again and got it up to 30%.  In November it was time to test it again and he had the test taken at our small hospital in Russell County KY,probably not the best decision but better than driving 2 1/2 hours to Louisville.  For some reason he didn't hear anything back from those test until January and the doctor told him his heart was back down to 20% and they would need to schedule to have a defibrillator put in right away because he could drop dead any minute with no warning signs.  We were all very worried and concerned.  Bruce insisted that he was feeling better and just couldn't believe this to be the case.  He went and spoke with his family doctor and his doctor advised him to drive to Louisville and have it retested.  He told him that their equipment at the hospital is outdated and the test could be wrong.  So this is what he decided to do.  He went to Louisville and had the test done and got a call the next week with the results. I kept telling him not to get his hopes up because his heart very well could be at 20% and even the nurse in Louisville told him even though you feel better doesn't mean your heart is stronger.  I just didn't want him to get his hopes up although I was praying constantly that he got better results.  The doctor called with the results and told him that his heart was actually at 35-40% and would not need to have the defibrillator put in at this time.  Praise God what a relief!!  It just makes me mad to think about it though.  Can you imagine how Bruce was feeling , walking around thinking his heart had gotten worse and he could drop dead anytime?  I don't understand why hospitals would even consider using such equipment if they know it is outdated and there is a chance the test could come back wrong.  Now Bruce did chose to have them done in Russell County close to home instead of driving all the way to Louisville but what if he didn't go and have the test redone and get a second opinion?  He was so discouraged and very worried with the first results.  If he had not been retested they would have went ahead and put a defibrillator in that he really doesn't need right now and would be walking around today worried that he could drop dead.  Now all of this could still happen and maybe it was all due to prayer that the new tests came back so much better.  Maybe it was really at 20% and through prayer God worked his magic , we will never know.  All we do know is now he must focus on getting his heart stronger by eating right and exercising.  I keep telling him the heart is a muscle and if he exercises and eats better it can still improve even more.  We can also hope that the Russell County Hospital can use this to try and talk the board into getting new equipment so this will not happen to someone else.  When you are talking about an organ as important as your heart or as my 10 year old calls it , "the place where love grows"  you need to be 100% sure so you know and can make the right decisions on helping to improve.  I have two boys that are BIG fans of their Uncle Bruce and prays and prays for him everyday.  We have to make sure we encourage him to do the best he can for himself so he can get stronger and stronger everyday. I just hope he listens and understands the importance, oh and by the way , I am a pretty BIG fan of him myself and I pray  many times a day for him because my "place where love grows" would never be the same without him.   So I am begging all of you to pray for him, encourage him, give him advice, check on him when you can even yell at him if he needs it, he'll get over it.    He is so blessed to have so many amazing friends and we saw that when he was in the hospital and are just so thankful.   

Bryce had a game last night and I got to go watch his game.  It was very exciting and he got to play quite a bit.  He actually took a couple shots and both came so close to going in!! After the game, he was bummed that his shots didn't go in because I know he wanted it so bad and of course as a Mom I told him that he did an amazing job and they won as a team and that was the important part.   I then began to tell him that I had some really good news that may cheer him up, so of course he was anxious to hear.  His first guess was , "you are going to take me out to dinner", of course I did that anyway to celebrate the win, but no that was not it.  My 10 year old , Brandt said no it's 20 times better than food and that's saying alot for him because he loves to eat, lol.  Brandt began to tell him about their Uncle Bruce and what the test results said, Bryce was quiet.  I then saw a tear run down his cheek and he looked at me and said "Mom, prayers do work and this news is awesome".  At his very moment, my "place where love grows" was beating very fast and I felt it grow just a little bit more.  Yes, he still wishes he made those shots but he is very thankful to God that their Uncle is a little bit healthier than they thought.

Happy Birthday Mom

I am missing my Mom today more than usual.  Today would have been her 64th Birthday.  My Mom was an amazing person and I am so very thankful that God gave me such an awesome Mother.  My Mom passed away on April 5, 2001 at the age of 53.  I will never really understand why God took her from me so soon and I still have alot of anger because of it.  My Mom was having a fairly common procedure done to help her improve her life and because of a doctors mistake my Mom fought for her life yet did not survive.  I understand God has reasons for things like this happening but it certainly makes it very hard to understand.  I had just had my first child and she was so very excited about being a Grandma.  She loved him so much and wanted to improve her life so she could be healthier and be able to enjoy him more.  Bryce was her joy!!  

As a child growing up, she made everything perfect and wonderful.  She was a stay at home Mom and always made us feel special.  She always put us first yet made sure we were always doing whats right.  I never really remember my Mom ever yelling or raising her voice but somehow she managed to make sure we obeyed, punished us when we did wrong and always taught us right from wrong.  I do remember several times she would say "you just wait till your Dad gets home", because she knew we did not want our Dad to give the punishment.  However, looking back now, I think that was just her way of scaring us into doing what we should be doing because I do not think that she really had the heart to discipline us although if we needed it she would certainly give us what we deserved.   She was so kind, sweet and gentle that I don't really think she had the heart to punish us, of course back then I didn't know that and was afraid but looking back now I understand because I do the very same thing.

  My Mom and Dad didn't always have alot and my Dad worked very hard for what we did have but they always seem to make sure we had what we needed.  She always got us up for school and out the door on time, was always home waiting eagerly when we walked in the door from school and was anxious to hear about our day.  She supported us in anything we wanted to try and would always encourage us and when we failed she was there to pick us back up.  I can remember always having dinner on the table when my Dad walked in the door from work.  That is something that alot of families now a days never do , is sit down as a family and have dinner.  At our house, Mom always had dinner ready and we always sat down together to eat.  She never thought that she was much of a cook but my brothers and I always enjoyed everything she made and loved that time of day when we all sat down and ate and talked about our day together.  This is something that I  try very hard to do at my house too.   My Mom taught me how important it is to stay connected to your family.  She had no enemies and she loved everyone.  She had a heart of Gold and she wore it on her sleeve.  

My Mom always made Christmas so special and exciting also!! I know that she worked very hard to make sure that we had the best Christmas ever. I also know she spent alot more than she ever should have and I am certain that Dad gave her a hard time about that.  I find myself realizing as I am older with children of my own just  how very hard my Mom worked to prepare for Christmas and even on Christmas day.  Every year that goes by I always say to myself how I wish my Mom was here so I could thank her for all the hard work she did to make everything so special and memorable.  On Christmas day when the kids wake you up very very early until late into the night I do not sit down and every year I realize everything my Mom sacrificed for us so that Christmas would be perfect.  I wish I would have helped her alot more, but sadly you don't realize it until you are older and have kids of your own how very hard work it is.  

I am so thankful for the times I had with my Mom.  I truly had the best Mom a girl could have.  The older I got the more I realized it and I am still amazed by all the memories I have of her.  I miss my Mom everyday more and more.  She was truly my best friend and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't talk to her.  Although Bryce was too young to really remember her and I was pregnant with Brandt when my Mom died, they know her very well.  We always talk about their Grandma and how wonderful she was.  I am saddened alot because I know how much my boys are missing growing up without their Grandma.  She would be so very proud of them both and I just hope that I am making her proud and doing everything that she taught me to do.  I will never be the Mom that she was but I try very hard everyday!!  My last words to my Mom were , "Mom ,I love you and I will see you tomorrow"!!  Tomorrow never came but I will see her again someday in Heaven and so will my boys and oh what a wonderful day that will be.


Just a small piece of advise for all of you, love everyone that is in your life , spend time with them, if you argue make up, if you hurt each other say your sorry, talk to them everyday.  I can promise you my friends, one day tomorrow will never come because God does not promise us tomorrow and  you will never be able to do any of that again.  So please love them today, share your life them because when they are gone you will be sorry you didn't.  

I love you Mom and I am so thankful everyday that God chose you as my mother.  I miss you more and more everyday and I can't wait for that wonderful day when God brings us back together again!!

Doctors, got to love em

You just got to love Doctors.  No wonder they have so much money.


I had went to the doctor last week for just a regular check up and of course paid my 35.00 co-pay, waited about 45 minutes for someone to actually acknowledge that I was there and once they finally did he gave me about 2 minutes of his time and then shipped me off to get blood drawn.  So he got my 35.00 plus whatever the insurance company pays them for a 2 minute job, really???   Oh and it doesn't stop there, they then proceeded to call me yesterday to tell me my lab work is back and the doctor would like for me to come in to discuss my results.  So when you hear that, you think oh great something is wrong.  Ok so off I go, I drop the boys off at school and rush to the doctors office.  I get there and of course I have to pay my 35.00 co-pay AGAIN.  I sit and sit and finally get called back.  The nurse weighs me and takes my blood pressure, however I really don't think in a week that would have changed to much so I don't get the point  and then I go and sit and wait some more.  The doctor finally comes in and has my blood work.  He proceeds to tell me that all my blood work looks pretty good, that there are only a few areas that are a little low but nothing to worry about and he sends me on my way.  REALLY, I paid 35.00 for that and that's not counting what the insurance will give them.  Seriously, doctors, us "normal people" do not have the time or money to spend a couple minutes in your office to find out that we are totally healthy. I just spent 70.00 in two weeks for that!!  That money could have been used in a much more efficient way!!  What a waste of my time and money , when that is something they could have told me on the phone. 


Now I am certain that I am not the only one who has experienced this and don't get me wrong I'm happy to know I'm not falling apart just yet, but most of us work really hard for our money and we certainly don't want to give it up that easily. So if any of you are doctors out there please consider giving us "normal" people a break and spare us all a little time and money.


Thanks for listening to me vent about doctors today , I have several horrible stories concerning Doctors however I will spare you all of that for today.  However , one last tip before I go that is totally off the subject and to all of you "smarter" people out there just don't read this.  When you run out of dishwasher tablets for your dishwasher, never try and substitute it with dish washing liquid, trust me this is NOT a smart move.  Oh yes and darling, honey, sweetie if you are reading this, yes I did flood the kitchen, but look on the bright side, I have been saying for a couple weeks I need to mop the floor :).  See God always has a plan.  lol

Just one of those days

Have you ever just woke up and knew immediately it was going to be one of those days.  The first thing I thought about when I woke up was the horrible night at work the night before and the huge pounding in my head.  All I wanted to do was go right back to sleep so I wouldn't have to think or feel and that is exactly what I did, yet was woken up by a phone call that delivered more bad news.  


We all have bad days but life does not stop so we can pick ourselves up and start over.   Life just keeps moving and if you stop you will get left behind.  I just have to try and remember that God is in control and trust that everything will turn out okay.  Everyone has their own trials, so sometimes just calling a friend and being a good listener for them helps me forget for a little while about all of the things that I worry about on a daily basis.  Every now and then while being a great listening friend I hear something from them that makes me think, I am not alone , or how could I be so selfish. Everyone has worries, difficulties , and struggles but its how you deal with them that is most important.  This is something I am still trying to learn and honestly may never learn.  The saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade", well I have never made lemonade.  Its seems as if I like to keep those lemons and never let them go.  I just have to remember there are so many other people in the world that are hurting and life has really given them a beaten, and when I do that I realize that God is in charge of my life and it's not near as bad as I sometimes believe it is.


So once I finally found my way out of bed and got in the car to go pick up the boys from school I knew my day was about to get a whole lot better.  As I am sitting in car line waiting for the two most important people in my life to come around the corner with smiles on there faces I realize I am truly blessed.  They both get in the car and start telling me all about their night last night and their school day today.  My 4th grader begins telling me about what they did during recess, that his trumpet teacher told him he was doing an amazing job, while the whole time my 7th grader was dying to get my attention as well.  As soon as Brandt finished telling me all about his day , its finally Bryce's turn and he begins by saying "guess what happened during my basketball game last night?"  I knew it was something big, or at least to him, so I couldn't wait to hear.  He proceeded to tell me that he got put in the game and got his very first rebound!! At this very moment, I felt a little sad again because I wasn't there to experience this moment with him as I had to work, which is something I struggle with everyday simply because I feel as if I am missing so much of their lives because of the this thing called "work" yet he was so excited and I was so happy for him that this and everything else that bothered me all day simply disappeared. 


Tomorrow is another day and I am hoping to wake up in the morning with a brighter outlook on life!! 

Writing it down

I decided that all of the crazy , stupid, silly, unbelievable or boring things that happen in my life should be wrote down to share with others so I can bore them as well, besides my 12 year old has a blog why can't I.




So let me start by saying that everyday I wake up and say WOW there has to be more to life than this. I love being a Mom. I, like most Mom's, truly believe I have the best boys in the world, however sometimes you just want to float away into some magical world and pretend that everything in life is perfect and wonderful. In my magical world there would be no job, no school, no need for money, no cooking or cleaning, no heart ache or sickness , no worries and sometimes NO MEN :) I would never have to say things like, "Don't forget to wash your hands" , "make sure to brush ALL of your teeth", "stop aggravating your brother", "get in the shower", "time to get up for school", just to name a few. I should just record these and play them anytime I need them. In this so called magical world of mine, I would not have to worry about making sure the boys get to school on time, that I am able to pick them up that day, or how will I get them home from basketball practice, will I be able to go to their games or will I have to work and the most important one, are they being the Godly example I have always tried to teach them to be. In my magical world, since I don't need money I could just fly home to KY and visit my brothers or my best friend anytime I want and they all would be healthy and happy.




Of course in this magical world there would be no death, no sorrow, no sickness, no marital problems but lets face it none of us would be the people we are today if we didn't go through some of these things. God gives us trials so we can grow closer to him and make us stronger, certainly doesn't make any of those trials easier but sure helps to know he is there. So we all know my magical world does not exist and honestly I'm not sure I would really want it to. Although sometimes I look at all the things I repeat to my boys over and over again , or just the everyday stress involved in raising boys , I know that when they are finally all grown up and on their own I will miss it and wish I had them home to make sure they brush their teeth or take a shower or all those other things that I say that makes me crazy everyday.


So at this point in my life I am just going to realize that this is it for me right now and honestly I'm ok with that, but once the boys are in bed and the husband is asleep and all the chores are done for the day, just maybe I will sit in the quietness of the night ,close my eyes and go to that magical place and show myself there is more and I know I will finally get there someday because this magical place I describe sounds exactly like the place God promises us if we believe, HEAVEN!!